Year of Fear - February

I was chatting with my little bro about my year of fear project and how in February I was going to approach coffee shops and ask for their used coffee grounds so I could start growing my own oyster mushrooms. He told me it was really easy, you just go in and ask. The night before I did some googling to see if giving away grounds was something coffee shops even did, a step to subdue my fears mainly based in social anxiety stemmed from the fear of rejection and well, public shame (heavy!).

So apparently starbucks in America package up their used grounds and actively give them away and muffin break (a chain store) had written a blog post on how to use coffee grounds and explained that any of their shops would be happy to give them to you. Good sign!

We don't have a muffin break nearby but there were two coffee shops I had narrowed down to ask. The first, Columbian Coffee in Mooloolaba because it's hands down one of the best coffees I've had on the coast. As I was driving into Mooloolaba I had an idea to pull into a secluded carpark and record on my phone a little debriefing of my fear to potentially include with this post but there just happened to be an empty carspace right outside the coffee shop (super rare!) and I took that as a sign to just go in and ask. If January taught me anything its that procrastinating feeds fear!

I walked in and then walked out without any coffee grounds BUT (and it's a big one) they were nice, I didn't stumble over my words and I left without any shame from the rejection. They told me they tend to use their grounds on their garden but they had just thrown away a bunch (into their main bin). I asked if there was a possibility of coming back another day and they told me that 8am is a good time.

Success.

The next coffee shop, slightly closer to home was chosen purely because the store is adorable I went up and they were lovely and told me that someone already comes in and collects their grounds.

No success, but success in confronting my fear.

Lastly, I asked our coffee drinking friend, Lowy, for some shop recommendations and he mentioned the coffee joint next to my grocery shop which made sense, being so close. I walked in and asked and they told me that somebody already comes in and before I could say thanks and walk out they told me it wasn't a regular thing and then which times would be great to come back!

I went back that day at 5pm and noticed they were already closed. I could see the girl inside and contemplated knocking on the door but in the end I felt super weird and let fear get the better of me. I looked at their closing hours with five being close time, so I figured I'd try once more but next time arrive a few minutes before closing.

Fast forward to my third attempt and the same girl was on. I walked in and asked and she said, they were about to close in 10 minutes and if I came back then she would be ready to throw out the grounds. I felt slightly bad for the perception of being annoying but tried to take her words at face value and not read too much into it or let myself be persuaded out of the plan (yes I can be an overthinker!). I went and did my grocery shopping and then went back to the coffee shop, made eye contact with the girl inside and then awkwardly hovered outside. Less then 30 seconds later she had come out with a huge garbage bag that I almost couldn't carry. I told her I loved her and she smiled and I heaved the bag back to my car. When I got into my car I was shaking, so high on adrenalin that when I backed out over an empty bottle I assumed I had hit a car. I hadn't but it did remind myself to take a moment to compose, breath and concentrate on driving.

Super super grateful to be doing this year of fear project.

I'm only 2 months in but I can already feel major shifts in my thinking, learning to replace the fear with excitement and to embrace the abundance of potential possibilities!

I can't say it's easy but it's feeling very fulfilling.

I'll keep you updated on the oyster mushroom growing too!

Next month, I'm going to try to take portraits in public with a tripod - eep!

UPDATE: Last month, was all about jumping into water which is a huge fear for myself and you can read more about it here.  I made a commitment to continue the jumping into February (and well, forever) and I wanted to show you some updated jump footage.  I've included the middle segment of film just to show you that I did indeed let the fear win many times (wasting much space of Ben's phone!) but that's okay because I kept trying until I eventually mustered up the courage.  I think having my friend, Emaya up was a big help too! By the end of the year it's my goal to jump from the very top point which I think I'll be able to do, if I keep my jump regime up!