Sunday 15.04.19 - Tuesday 16.04.19

It feels important to share parts of my diary which begin days before we found out we got a house and days before Dad passed. There is so much more to this story, all the before but it's a maddening twisting tale too private to share so I'll place you guys down on Saturday the 13^th of April.

/Saturday 13^{th April}
Dad did a surprise visit, I couldn't make it hiking this weekend because of a flu but he swung by anyway with limes and some of his kombucha brew. I got to show him my oat mix and new fermented foods and the mushrooms growing beside the compost.

I saw the house listing online that night, too late to ring dad so I left it till the morning.

I couldn't sleep that night, I woke up at 2am and stayed awake till 5am and went back to sleep till 7am

/Sunday 14^{th April}

Dad and my little bro, J came up, after church. We ended up putting in an offer for the house. There is much more complexity to that and over the next two days loads of back and forth with Dad and the real estate agent John, just know, it was a complex journey with a complex ending.

/Monday 15^{th April}

I had an appointment at RBH to see about potential surgery for my endometriosis.

I was feeling anxious in the waiting room so I listened to a podcast about overwhelm. About sets of waves and how every 20 minutes a set will be much bigger than the rest. In such a set the advice is to just let your body tumble through, use all your energy to get through it and don't sacrifice any energy into “what ifs”. The waves will be calm again.

I left the appointment feeling in the dark, they wanted to put me on the 3 months surgery list but they couldn't give me any clarity to the questions I was asking, so in a confused mess, I asked if I could push back my surgery to give me some more time to think. I chatted with Ben and Dad, Dad told me my only option was to have the surgery but I felt so unsure of that decision.

/Tuesday 16^{th April}

The house viewing. There had been a lot of back and forth and retracting our offer. Ben and I had given up on the house by this point, definitely not thinking that it would land in the news we got tomorrow.

/I'll be sharing a series of diary entries two weeks around my Dad's death