Tuesday 23.04.19

I put my alarm on at 1:30am for the meteor shower. My alarm goes off and I'm so tired that I wish I hadn't of let it wake me. I've been sleeping very soundly these last few nights. I go outside to see but it's raining and so many clouds, so I come back to bed.

I wake up and feel sad.

I go for my walk, no more rainbows but I tell Dad it's okay.

I have turned a corner with my grief, I've got the strength to let him go now.

I get home and work rings and I launch into my grief but they don't know. Liz my boss is an amazing lady and she reassures me and tells me he is my guardian angel and I just have to pat my shoulder. It's a nice convo. We talk about work and she tells me to take this week off and I'm relieved.

We get an email from our agent with the pest and builder recommendations. Ben messages back to ask if we can book and he tells us the owners signed the contract. And we just need to give the tenant 24 hours notice. There are a bunch of business cards scanned for us to choose, and we pick the simple card with the man from Woombye. We speak to him and he is lovely.

We have it booked in for Wednesday at 8:30am but it's not giving Craig the tenant 24 hours so we make it 1pm

I ring public trustee, Dad tells me

“it just has to be done”

“you're doing good”

yesterday he told me to “use my harding brain”

I appreciate all of this.

It's raining so heavily today
the public trustee doesn't have his will

we're going down at 2:40pm to see Dad's body at 4pm. Mum and the police made the decision not to let J see Dad's body when he was lying in bed, so this is a do-over. 

We make lime curd with the limes Dad left and I save the skins to make limecello so when we move in to our new house we can cheers Dad.

I ring the police about the safe and getting in for the will. They don't answer.

We drive to Brisbane and I look at this body, it was Dad but it isn't anymore. There's a stillness but his skin is still soft, he just feels cold.

We give J time by himself. Then Mum and J go in together and I chat with Ashley, the funeral director about death.

We drive home and order garlic bread. Just last week, before Dad had died, we ate garlic bread. It doesn't taste as nice anymore but I still eat it.

/I'll be sharing a series of diary entries two weeks around my Dad's death